


Lost

by alabasterclouds



Series: Weekends at Carol's [21]
Category: Carol (2015), The Price of Salt - Patricia Highsmith
Genre: Autumn, Being Lost, Crying, Cuddling & Snuggling, Diapers, F/F, Fluff and Angst, Non-Sexual Age Play, Nursing, Nursing Kink, Wetting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-15
Updated: 2018-10-15
Packaged: 2019-08-02 10:47:44
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,356
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16303715
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alabasterclouds/pseuds/alabasterclouds
Summary: Therese must attend an evening work function, but after it breaks up, it's dark and she's in an unfamiliar neighbourhood with no cash for a taxi. She quickly gets lost and descends rapidly into little headspace. From a Tumblr prompt.Note: This is ageplay and as such, I encourage you to read the tags before reading the story. If it's not your cup of tea, cool. Please let the rest of us enjoy it.It's been awhile since I've written - almost a whole year - and the only excuse I have is that life has been nuts between work and other commitments. I can't promise I'll be back for good, but since I've gotten questions, this series isn't over yet. It's winding down - after all, the movie came out in 2015 - but I've still got a few more stories in me left about Carol, Therese, and their very unique world and relationship. Never fear!If you want to follow me and prompt me, come say hi at http://alabasterclouds.tumblr.com.





	Lost

Being honest, Therese hated work events.

Oh, she knew they were needed. The paper frequently had events to raise money for something or other, to attract advertisers, and to simply celebrate milestones. But for Therese, events just solidified how different she was from everyone else. It was fun to get dressed up - since Therese had started working, she took great pleasure in buying clothes that could be exquisitely tailored to her figure and show off the few curves she did have (even if one of those curves was due to diapers and plastic pants). But Therese couldn't bring Carol as her plus-one, like all of her other colleagues. Even George had brought his socially awkward newest girlfriend to this dinner, and of course, Therese had gotten stuck talking with her when George wandered off for a refill on his drink. It was lonely and boring, and she knew she'd like events much better if Carol could be with her, shining and sparkling, charming the room with just a demure smile.

Carol had been understanding, though of the two, she was the one who loved parties the most. "Of course you should go, darling. It's important to get to know your colleagues in a social setting."

Therese had sighed, throwing a leg over the arm of the couch and irritably rubbing her eyes. "It's only important if the colleagues want to socialize back," she muttered darkly, and Carol laughed a little.

"Well, you certainly can't force people to socialize, Therese, but you don't even try. You probably sit there, stock-still and staring, while poor George or Lina has to carry on the entire conversation. Darling, you know how to talk to people properly. I have seen you absolutely charm a room by just flashing your dimples." She sat down, all tailored slacks and silken blouse, next to Therese, who automatically moved into her arms, cuddling close and inhaling Carol's unique scent of cigarettes, perfume, and talc powder.

"It's just hard," said Therese to Carol's blouse and gently avoiding Carol's cool finger, tipping her chin up so that Therese's eyes could meet her own and she could understand what Therese was saying. "I like them all well enough, of course. They're fine to work with."

"People are more than just work, sweetie." Carol sighed, but let Therese crawl across her lap and snuggle into her shoulder. "It concerns me that you don't seem to have any friends besides Dannie. Is our lifestyle starting to limit what you can do?"

"I have friends besides Dannie," protested Therese. "I just want to take you to these things instead of going alone. And I can't. And so I just don't want to go." She said the words matter-of-factly, but her nose suddenly ached and her eyes filled with tears. Carol didn't miss the change in her voice.

"I made an appointment with Dr. Wright." She said it quietly, but Therese heard the warning note in her voice. "It's for next Tuesday afternoon."

Therese sat up. "Why, Carol?"

Carol sighed. "Darling, I will care for you for the rest of our lives, but this is starting to affect you socially. I know that there are things we can't change about the way we live, but I don't think you being bundled day in and out in diapers helps, either. You're dependent on me in a way that you weren't before we were together." She saw Therese's mouth begin to open in a protest and she laid a finger on it. "I just want to get a second opinion. Of course I will never force you into anything. But the only friend you really want to see on a regular basis is Eilis Lacey, and darling, she lives in Brooklyn and also is just as busy as you are. Now you don't want to go to work events, and it's not just because you can't take me along."

Therese looked miserably down at her lap. She knew Carol was correct. Her bladder control issues did cramp her lifestyle in ways she didn't always like to think about. She was dependent on Carol or on dragging around fresh diapers and plastic pants, which was hard to do at formal events like the one that evening. She invariably would be wet midway through, and hiding a big bag of diapers and supplies was harder on her own. Carol was good about running back and forth to the coat check, or hiding it under the table and bringing it with them to bathrooms in a casual, unobtrusive way. But Therese wasn't good at hiding or not drawing attention to herself, and most of the time, she did just want to be at home, with Carol, snuggled in front of the television or walking in the park or visiting Abby or Eilis.

But she didn't want to give any of what she had up, either. Certainly bladder control would make life easier, but she secretly wondered if Carol would love her as much if she didn't need her so much. Of course, Carol was always free to leave, mused Therese, and might one day if it got to be too much . . . her vision blurred, the sight of her tightly clenched hands turning liquid and hazy. Two tears dropped into her lap.

Carol kissed Therese's temple. "Oh, darling. I'm sorry. I should have asked. I didn't mean to upset you before your big night out."

Therese shook her head. "I know you're right," she said, her voice rusty. "I should see him. Fix this."

Carol cuddled Therese. "Only if you want to. I feel I've perhaps forced you into something you didn't quite feel ready for. I love you, angel. I'm sorry that I went ahead without asking."

Therese's lower lip trembled. "Carol, I don't want to go out tonight."

Carol didn't answer right away. She just rocked Therese until Therese's breathing got back under control, then kissed her temple again. "Well, that's your choice, darling. But I think you should, if only for a few hours. You'll get a nice meal out of it."

Therese's eyes brightened a bit at this. The Times _did_ know how to do food right. And it would look good to go, especially as promotion time was looming at work again, and Therese knew she was being considered for the lead role in the department, along with two others. Showing up would definitely demonstrate that she was committed . . . she got up, without even knowing she'd gotten to her feet, and started towards her room before she realized that she hadn't given any warning to Carol. But Carol just laughed.

"You've got that new dress as well, Therese. I think it would be lovely for tonight."

Therese smiled. "I haven't had a chance to wear it out yet, it's true." She beamed at Carol, like sunshine coming out from behind a cloud, and saw a look of relief cross Carol's face. "Will you help me get ready?"

"Of course, darling. I just got a new lipstick you may want to try. I think it will look really quite nice with your dark hair." Carol rose gracefully and came towards Therese, gently patting her bottom as she passed her into the bedroom. "And I think we maybe should double-diaper you tonight, since I know you'll fight me on bringing a change."

Therese stuck her tongue out at Carol. "I'm not bringing that big bag for only two hours, Carol. That's silly." She stuck her nose in the air, mock-serious, and then dissolved into giggles as Carol tickled her, pushing her gently onto the bed. 

"Have it your way, ridiculous girl. Are you really only going to stay out two hours?"

"Well, that's how long the event lasts, so I'm told. And we do have to work tomorrow," Therese reminded Carol, already pushing down her casual slacks. "I'm not sure why they decided on a Sunday night dinner, but there you are."

"Likely easier for all the young people who like to go out on Saturday nights," said Carol casually, but Therese knew that she had been missing their own Saturday night gallivanting with Abby lately. Abby had gone to Europe for the summer, attending conferences and staying in Berlin at an entomologists' summit, of sorts. She had been endlessly excited about it, but Carol was missing her best friend and postcards, hastily scribbled with smudges of dirt from being in the German fields, just weren't cutting it. Therese squeezed Carol's arm as she unpinned Therese's diaper.

"She's back next week."

"And about time! That Abigail never thinks of anyone else when she decides to go on these everlasting trips." Carol's voice was teasing, though, so Therese smiled. 

"No, she just leaves us all behind."

"To rot here in this godforsaken city," Carol finished, pinning Therese's new diaper after making sure she was appropriately cleaned and spread with a layer of diaper rash cream. They'd been trying this lately, and it had made a huge difference to Therese's skin. 

Therese smiled at Carol, then hopped up as Carol went to wash her hands and gently, almost reverently took out her new dress. It was a beautiful dark royal blue, elegantly styled and fitted to Therese's body, with cap sleeves and a hemline that fell just above Therese's knees. It was modest, yet sexy enough to show off the curve of her breasts and bottom. Best of all, the fabric was thick and plush enough that it completely hid her diaper and any resulting plasticky noise, especially when she was double-diapered. With hose, low kitten heels, and her hair curled and styled, Therese was soon ready, complete with a swipe of the plum lipstick Carol had picked up from Macy's.

"Oh, I knew that colour would be lovely on you," said Carol, sitting with her legs crossed and glass of bourbon in hand on the couch as Therese sashayed out of the bedroom. Therese had borrowed a little of Carol's perfume and Carol's face turned knowing as Therese kissed her, stealing a small drag from her cigarette.

"Darling, I have offered and offered to buy you perfume and you won't have it . . . but yet you seem to always be helping yourself to mine."

Therese scrunched her nose at Carol. "Do you really mind?"

In response, Carol pulled her onto her lap, all bourbon, cigarettes, and expensive talc. "Of course not. It smells better on you, anyway."

Therese grinned, then got up, straightening her dress. "All right. I should be home around nine-thirty or so. Stay out of trouble," she said cheekily, kissing Carol again. But her eyes dropped. This event would be so much more fun if Carol was actually attending with her.

Carol, for her part, didn't change expression. "Of course. Have fun, and for God's sake, darling, actually talk to them for once instead of sitting there like a fish. I'm sure even discussing brands of photo developer has to be more interesting!"

Therese stuck her tongue out at Carol and then left. She was meeting everyone at the Times building, then they were going uptown to the venue. Walking along the golden streets, the sun setting and bathing everything in rich light, Therese felt almost happy. She was just like everyone else tonight, passing on the street under the bronzed autumn leaves. And she couldn't deny that the few appreciative glances she got from men passing by didn't make her feel special, either.

She met her colleagues at the Times building. They were all taking company-sponsored cars, and Therese double-checked to ensure she had enough tokens for the subway on the way back, as she would be leaving before the cars delivered them back to the Times building. George and his dishwater-boring girlfriend, Sadie, greeted her.

"Say, Therese. That's a nice dress you've got on." This was from Sadie, who was wearing a grey, shapeless number. George at least looked nice in a tailored suit and tie. 

"Thanks, Sadie. I like your earrings." Therese thanked her lucky stars that there was something she could say that was truthful about the way that Sadie looked. The sparkly studs in her ears seemed safe enough, and she felt gratified as Sadie beamed. The smile transformed her whole face - she looked almost pretty, thought Therese.

"George gave me those for my birthday last week." Sadie took George's arm and grinned. "Are you excited for the meal tonight? I hear it's prime rib."

George laughed a bit uncomfortably. "Now, honey, I didn't guarantee that's what it would be. Just that I heard a rumour."

"Well," said Therese, "whatever it is, I'm sure we'll enjoy not having to cook it." Someone waved at the three of them and pointed to a waiting black car. "There's our ride."

Riding, squished in the back with George and Sadie, wasn't the most comfortable way up to the event hall, but at least the closeness precluded any talking and Therese was able to reflect on how beautiful the city looked as they made their way past glittering buildings and along the edge of Central Park. Truth be told, she was excited to see who would win at the newspaper awards this year. Since she'd started getting more into layout as well, Therese found herself learning something new daily about what made a great story and a hard-hitting front page. She hoped the Times would carry off a few awards, as they always did.

They piled out of the car into the cool air, and Therese wrapped her white shawl around herself a little more tightly. These early October evenings weren't too cold yet, but she was glad for the wrap. They walked into the ballroom and took their seats.

The award ceremony was interesting, thought Therese, but she really could have given it a miss if it wasn't for the delicious food. Even Sadie's inane chatter couldn't erase how delicious the expertly cooked and delicately sliced chicken and prime rib were. Paired with potato and fresh vegetables that could have been picked that day, Therese found herself interested in the examples of newspapers that were projected from the overhead projector onto the wide screen in front of her. Munching happily on the delicious dessert, which was a lovely cherry cheesecake, she quietly sipped at her coffee and beamed as one of the issues she had worked on won an award.

George leaned over. "Say, Therese, that was your layout!"

"You helped too," said Therese generously, choosing not to remember the hours she'd spent fixing his mistakes, and the two smiled proudly at each other as the rest of the design team congratulated the layout team. While photography was always her first love, Therese was glad she was doing more and more layout.

Soon, the evening was wrapping up, and Therese found herself feeling a bit overheated and uncomfortably wet. The double diaper had held up well, she'd had to admit, but it was time to get moving. Carol would be wanting to get ready for bed soon, too, and Therese didn't want to miss that special time with her.

Saying goodbye to George and Sadie, who looked a bit confused at her early departure, she slipped out the door and headed purposefully towards the subway. Absentmindedly getting on, thinking about layout still, she didn't realize she was heading the wrong way until about ten minutes later when the train emptied out and she was much further north than she wanted to be.

Therese cursed quietly under her breath. "Dammit," she muttered, hunting through her pocketbook. She thought she had another token stashed away, but the search soon became fruitless and she belatedly remembered that she had left her spare tokens in her other purse. Well, that was great. She hadn't brought any money that night, either, and of course the banks were closed, it being evening and Sunday evening to boot.

Therese stood on the platform, trying to think. Did she have any change at all? Sitting on a bench on the subway platform, she practically tore her purse apart until she found a lone, dirty dime, rolling quietly from the very depths of her wallet. And that was all.

Therese tried to control her chin from quivering. It was 15 cents to ride the subway - the price had risen only this summer from the original ten cents. And it was late, and maybe if she begged the ticket taker at the booth, he would let her ride back for only 10 cents? But then she had a long walk in the dark back - the buses hadn't been running due to construction, and Carol had lately been picking her up at the subway or at the Times building itself after work, if Therese didn't plan to walk home and pick up some groceries.

Well, there was nothing for it. She would have to beg. Surreptitiously looking around, she quickly scanned the dirty subway platform floor to see if anyone had dropped anything - a nickel, maybe. But there was no answering glimmer, so she trudged quietly up the stairs to the ticket taker's booth. But at this time of night, there was no one there - the booth was locked and dark, with only a lockbox to accept money open. And Therese knew that without the correct change or a nickel, the turnstiles wouldn't move an inch. 

Tears started slipping, hot and fast, down her cheeks. A man crossing the turnstiles gave her a curious look as he passed, but kept going, minding his own business. Therese was glad.

"Think, think," Therese whispered. She could try to follow someone else back in through the turnstiles - sometimes that worked. Or she could see if there was a way to cross back over onto the southbound side of the platform, though it didn't look like it, at this station. A few of the subway stations had been rebuilt and had that capability, but this grimy station, with its flickering lights, didn't seem to have any way back over without exiting the gates and going through again.

To make matters worse, she was wet. And she was tired. And her legs were starting to feel a bit shaky, half with the panic, half with trying to balance on her shoes. Suddenly Therese felt her heart quicken and her hands start to tremble.

"No. Get ahold of yourself," she whispered fiercely. Now was not the time to panic or descend into feeling little. But her diaper pressed against her as she sank down onto a bench, and she suddenly had a mad desire to suck her thumb. And she wanted Carol. Badly.

Therese straightened her spine and breathed in and out, as Carol had shown her the last time this had happened. Regardless of how she felt, she still needed to get home. Standing up with resolve, she marched over to the other staircase, hoping against hope that there was a way down. The flickering lights on the stairs made it seem more dingy and scary than usual, and she followed the staircase all the way down until she hit a narrow dirty hallway with a heavy door. Trying the door and finding that the knob turned easily, she walked out onto the opposite platform with relief - and realized she'd taken a way that customers weren't necessarily supposed to go. The tracks were very close, and a short set of steps just outside the doorway led down to the electric rail below and into the tunnel. Therese quickly scooted away and down the platform, trying to seem like she'd belonged on the platform all along.

The train took about ten minutes to come. Therese sunk onto a bench, huddled in her wrap, and tried to give her aching feet a break. She was cold and tired at this point. When the warm train finally came, it took at least half an hour before she got back anywhere near the Times building. She struggled not to fall asleep, cuddled into the hard subway seat.

Getting out at the familiar station, Therese took the first staircase she saw and exited onto a street she wasn't totally familiar with. She was sure she must have walked down it before . . . but the houses and buildings seemed utterly unfamiliar, shadows looming around them as the autumn wind picked up in the trees.

And then it became too much. She knew she could walk back around the station . . . but the alley near to her was filled with broken glass and no light, and she was simply frightened. Suddenly, she felt heat in her diaper as she wet, standing awkwardly beside the station. And then she burst into tears.

Where was Carol? Why couldn't Carol be here to get them both home safely? If only she could have been like George and Sadie . . . she knew Sadie would have gotten home safely. Or at least remembered enough money for cab fare. How utterly stupid of her to forget it!

But then she remembered the dime. "Carol," she whispered, and in a heartbeat, she was back in the station and feverishly dialing their phone number, praying that Carol would still be awake.

Carol answered on the third ring. "Belivet-Aird residence." Her smooth, alto voice sounded a touch surprised, and Therese, noticing the clock on the wall of the station, realized it was nearly ten.

"Carol?" was all Therese could get out before she began to sob uncontrollably. Embarrassed, she stuffed a hand into her mouth to muffle the sound.

"Therese? Darling, where are you? It's well past the time I thought you'd be home . . . I figured you must have stayed a bit longer, but now I'm not sure what's going on. Are you crying, sweetie?"

"Carol, I need you." Therese gulped back a few sobs, her whole body shaking. "I couldn't find my way back and I didn't have money for the subway, so I had to sneak back in, and now I don't know how to get home. I'm at One Times Square," she rushed out, feeling stupid and ridiculous. "Can you come and get me? Please?"

"Of course I'll come and get you, darling, but I'm not sure how you're lost when you travel this way every day . . ." Carol sounded utterly confused and a bit tired. "Stay where you are. I'll be there shortly."

And true to her word, she was - driving up in the Packard, she had only thrown her coat on over her nightgown, very unlike Carol. But the sight of Carol's face and the car made Therese dissolve into tears again, and Carol had to open the door for her.

The car was comfortingly warm, the heater blasting, and Ella Fitzgerald crooned gently on the radio. Therese couldn't even buckle her seatbelt - she fumbled until Carol helped her and then caught her shaking hands.

"Darling, Therese, angel. Shh, shh." Carol rubbed Therese's cold hands comfortingly in her warm big ones. "It's all right. You're safe. Oh, sweetheart, you were so scared. Let's get home and you can tell me all about it." As usual, there was no judgement in Carol's voice, only warm concern. Therese couldn't keep the sobs back - she cried all the way home, Carol's hand clasped tightly in her own.

When they finally got upstairs, Carol didn't even bother to put her coat away. She simply draped it over the chair in the hallway and helped Therese take off her shoes, then she lifted her baby into her arms.

"Let's get you changed for bed, sweetheart. You're soaked nearly through." Carol kissed Therese and took her into the bedroom. But Therese sat up as Carol went to fetch her polka-dot pajamas and a fresh diaper, holding her arms out for Carol.

"Come back," she whimpered, and Carol came to sit beside her.

"Therese, whatever is the trouble? I'm not sure what happened to upset you so." Carol stroked back Therese's hair. "Was it not a good evening?"

"It was fun," Therese gulped. She rubbed her fists into her eyes fiercely. "I didn't pay enough attention. I got off at the wrong stop. And then I didn't have any money, and I went out the wrong door at the Times Square station, and there were so many shadows and it was so dark and Mama, I was scared!" Therese's voice rose sharply, and she started to cry again.

Carol rubbed her shoulders. "I see. That does sound frightening. My baby is usually much more aware than that . . . it must have been quite a shock, hmm?" She wiped Therese's face with her soft white shawl. "I think a few lessons were learned tonight."

"I just _needed_ you and I couldn't get back in and I had to go down a dark and scary hallway . . ."

"Oh, darling. It's all over now. You're home and safe." Carol started to change Therese's diaper. She rubbed Therese's belly, and Therese started to calm down. For some reason, Carol's touch always soothed her. She took the edge of the satin blanket that covered the bed and ran it along her cheek, closing her eyes.

"That's better," breathed Carol. She kissed Therese's cheek and pinned her diaper, helping her into her pajamas. "It was a big and scary night for you, wasn't it, angel?"

"Yes," sniffled Therese. "Mama, I need you."

Therese crawled into bed without brushing her teeth, and Carol, for once, didn't insist. "I'm right here, sweetie." She opened her arms and Therese crawled into them, running her finger over Carol's nipple, which was showing through her sheer nightgown.

Carol looked amused. "Such a gentle baby I have."

"May I nurse, Mama?" Therese's voice was low and muffled, but Carol silently unbuttoned the top of her nightgown, anyway. She had almost no milk left - Therese only nursed at night, and these days, not even every night - but there was still a mouthful or so left that soothed Therese as she sucked, her hand fisted in her mama's nightgown.

"Shh, shh," murmured Carol, and then started to hum. "I'm glad my baby wasn't lost to me forever."

Therese snuggled into Carol. "Mama, I love you."

"I love you, too, my darling."

And Therese knew no more.


End file.
